


Loving You Was A Losing Game

by CevvyDemandy



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alfred is a great friend, Angst and Feels, F/M, Hetalia Countries Using Human Names, the song Arcade is the one to blame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-20
Updated: 2021-03-20
Packaged: 2021-03-29 03:09:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30149856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CevvyDemandy/pseuds/CevvyDemandy
Summary: Ivan can live forever, she couldn’t, she would live to see the coming of time, she would never, he knew this day would eventually come, so did she.
Relationships: Russia (Hetalia)/Original Female Character(s)





	Loving You Was A Losing Game

**Author's Note:**

> I just wanted to write something angsty for my ship ksksks

Ivan told himself he wouldn’t come to watch her be lowered into the ground. He told himself it wasn’t necessary when they both knew this day would come. Endless nights of ‘what if’ and ‘how comes’ and neither of them cared about the inevitable. So many days of laying in the freshly rained grass drawing circles in the sky telling each other they loved one another. Cold winters where he was shut in his own house and she came minute to keep him company. Hot summers driving through the countryside of her home state enjoying nothing. So many years together had gone by without them counting down the days. There wasn’t a point in doing so, she would tell him, there was no point when every day could be her last, she’d tuck a strand of his hair behind his ears.

The days when he felt the weight of the world punching him in the chest she would cradle him. He only cried when no one was looking, he only cried when he knew it was safe to do so and with her, he knew it was always safe. She wipes away his tears and tells him only he could be this strong. She would have given up when things got too bad, she would tell him, vanish like the mothers and fathers of whom they all came from. He never wanted her to understand what he had been through. He didn’t care for her pity or her praise, he cared that she would listen without judgment and that’s exactly what she did. He knew she could never see what he had seen or done the things he had done. He only asked for a moment of silence in the years they had been together. He asked her to make him fill whole like all the others once did. And for those years she was the sun in the cloudy days he thought he was forever trapped in. 

“I can love you for as long as you allow me to.”

“And what if I never allow you to?”

“Then I would do so in private, like a saint praying to their god.”

Ivan knew he should have only stayed for the reception then left when he had the chance. She told him to make sure she was buried in green and white with a single sunflower that would never die. He made sure all of it was perfect. So before they could close her away from his eyes he leaned down and kissed her forehead one last time. He wished he could be just liked her. He wished he could sleep alongside her and never wake up. Find his internal peace of a forever sleep that would guide him to his warmest place. When they lowers her to the ground, Ivan didn’t throw his flower like everyone else. He plucked the peddles and watched them fall slowly hoping that he could prolong their departure. When he was left with nothing he tucked the head of the sunflower into his pocket. He should have already said goodbye. He should have given his prayer and been on his way to another life at another time. But his feet were planted and he couldn’t look away.

“I know what it’s like to love and lost,” Alfred was the only other country to come. “Her name was Gin and she was amazing.” Ivan didn’t care, Gin wasn’t Mel. “They were actually really good friends, she died a few years ago.” Ivan turned his head towards Alfred wanting to tell him he didn’t care and that nothing mattered. But instead, he cried with a stoic face in silence and for once another aching heart.

He should have known this was how the road would end.

Her name was Melpomene after all.


End file.
